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Stupid people in the news
8/17/2003
By justint

Ever notice that for some reason stupid people are always interviewed in the news during tragedies or big events? What the hell? I swear to god news people find the dumbest looking fuckups and purposely exploit. When there is a hurricane is Florida does CNN interview the intelligent looking people? Hell no. They always seem to find some toothless, homeless, "I just got paid 50 cents to give a blowjob" crackhore. And what does she have to say?

"There was a lot of water and wind and it was really scary. I though my dog was going to die and so I prayed to God to save his sould incase he died so he could be with me in heaven. It's a good thing I don't have any windows in my house otherwise they would have been broken."

Christ, it's just not safe to get a decent story out there without the local trash getting on the camera. Most of these losers are hideously overweight, hideously undertoothed, and worst of all: they have stupid opinions on everything. Opinions are good of course, but not if they are stupid. Also, old people always get interviewed. And I'm not talking 60 old. I'm talking knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door old. Old as in Jerry Lewis old. The people at Fox News must say to themselves, "Hmmm. We just had a tornado rip through town so let's go down to the nursing home and find the oldest looking motherfuckers we can find." The old people get on tv, having no idea what the hell they are supposed to be commenting on and say things like "I remember back in 1245 b.c. when we had one wicked dust storm. That could have been the last time I got laid." The old people (like the toothless trash) always have some comment about their pets (real for the trash, imagined for the ancient ones). I swear to god that the tapes are edited like crazy to cut out the parts where the old people fall asleep half way through the interview or have a heart attack and medics have to come revive them in order to continue the interview.

This insanity must stop! Old people must be locked in their homes and severly punished for showing up on national television and commenting on anything. As a show of my dedication I have created the LUOP (Lock Up Old People) Organization. With your support, we will finally get all the old people into nursing homes and off of our news channels. Our children will thank us. More to come...

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